I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
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