I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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