Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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