O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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