I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
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My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
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What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs