I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.