we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"