I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.