Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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