I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
