last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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