god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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