All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Randomize
