just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
