I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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