omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
