Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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