i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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