And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
is it fun? or sober?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
