what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
