Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
