I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
