she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
