i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
