why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I'm passing your future prison.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
