I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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