I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
