he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
