i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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