Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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