wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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