hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
