So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
