Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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