Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
