well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
