Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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