I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize