I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
