i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
