Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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