i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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