This is not my ceiling
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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