Moan for me like Helen Keller
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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