also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
