somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
