he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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