Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
