Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
