I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
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