Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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