I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
