I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
