well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
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