chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
