it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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