I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
