I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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