Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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