yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
