I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
