it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
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