either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
