I'm laying in your front yard are you home
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
