He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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