I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
