apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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