I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize