The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Ladies don't puke and tell
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
