first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
